The Claw Machine Conjecture
by threesummerdays
Summary: Sheldon is introduced to a claw machine at Penny's birthday. Slight obsession ensues. Oneshot fluff with mentions of "The Panty Pinata Polarization" and "The Einstein Approximation."


**A/N:** Kudos to whoever spots the HIMYM reference. :)

Sheldon hated arcades. Always had, ever since he was a little kid and Missy had insisted their birthday party take place in the local fun park. Just the thought of that day sent shivers down his spine. How he had ended up getting stuffed into a go-cart and driving down a curving stretch of death, he still had yet to figure out. What mattered was that he hated arcades of any kind.

And yet, here he was on Penny's birthday, eating greasy pizza and sipping a Diet Coke in the middle of an epileptic's nightmare. He was trying valiantly to smile through the whole ordeal, but it was difficult. Not only was a toy clown staring at him from across the ticket counter, but Leslie Winkle was sitting only two chairs away, practically sucking Leonard's tonsils out. Sheldon had been confused when Leonard asked Penny if he could invite his current girlfriend to her birthday party. Penny had broken off the relationship with Leonard only a few months ago (though Leonard still claimed it was mutual) and yet she approved of his companion. His reveries were broken by Howard's voice suddenly close to his ear.

"Call me Tiger!"

Sheldon jerked away from the noise and frowned at him. Raj was standing behind Howard, glaring into the back of his best friend's head. Howard was holding his mini golf club victoriously above his head in one hand and clutching at Bernadette with the other. To give her credit, thought Sheldon, she looked embarrassed by her boyfriend's behavior.

"Tiger Woods isn't faithful to his wife," she said quietly, squeezing Howard's hand and sitting down next to Sheldon, the ring on her left hand glimmering. Howard looked concerned.

"No, no. Sweetie, don't worry about that. I just meant that I kick ass at mini golf." He sat down and started to cuddle with her. Sheldon shifted nervously in his plastic chair. Raj leaned in and whispered something in his ear.

"Yes, Raj," Sheldon said, twitching his head away and rubbing his ear, "I do feel as though I am awkwardly single like you, although I did not need you to project your moist words into my ear."

A tinkling laugh came from behind the two singles and Sheldon turned to see Penny, party hat at a jaunty angle, moving toward them with tickets clutched in her hands. She smiled at Raj and Sheldon and shook her head.

"It's disgusting, isn't it?" she said quietly, watching Howard and Bernadette and placing the tickets on the table. Raj nodded vigorously as Sheldon quirked his head.

"I believe it would not be considered so 'disgusting' if we also were engaging in amorous activities," he said thoughtfully.

Penny laughed again. She didn't tell him his words could be taken differently than he meant. She'd just confuse him. Instead, she simply said, "Probably not, Moonpie."

Suddenly, her hand was on his arm and his skin began to tingle uncomfortably. For several moments, he forgot his manners and stared at her, trying to understand her meaning behind the contact. Penny ignored him and began to tug his sleeve.

"Come on and play DDR with me," she said, her fingers pulling at his thermal. He rolled his eyes and stood, still ignoring his arm's temperature change.

"Alright," he said, pushing in his chair. "But only because social convention states that I follow your demands because it's your birthday."

"Thanks, Moonpie," Penny grinned, and pulled him over to the machine.

Raj watched them leave and glanced at the others. Sighing resignedly, he sat down and ate another piece of pepperoni pizza.

Fifteen minutes later, Sheldon had worked up a delicate sweat while Penny wiped her forehead with her shirtsleeve for the eighth time. She was staring at the gangly Einstein next to her as he sniffed gently and muttered something about, "Maniac level, indeed." She cleared her throat.

"Sheldon, where did you learn to dance like that?"

Sheldon looked at his neighbor with one raised eyebrow. "It's basic movement skills, Penny. When the arrow appears on the screen, you tap that part of the floor."

She rolled her eyes. "I know _that_, but where did you learn to do it so well?"

Sheldon smiled at her. "When you understand the laws of physics, Penny, anything is possible."

She didn't want to give him the pleasure of knowing she was jealous. That had to be the emotion she was feeling right now. It certainly was not her thinking about the time when he had said the same thing to her and was handling her underwear. Definitely not. She shook her head and headed back to the table.

Sheldon followed, watching her hips sway in her shorts. _Good childbearing hips,_ he thought, tilting his head to watch more closely. Realizing he was staring at her backside, he suddenly blushed and looked at the floor. When Penny turned around to see why he was being quiet, he seemed to be silently contemplating the floor, and she didn't feel like interrupting. As they neared the table, Penny shrieked in delight and jumped back to Sheldon, grabbing his wrist.

"Sheldon, look!" she said, jumping up and down. "It's a claw machine!"

Sheldon stared blankly at her. She rolled her eyes. "Claw machine? You know? You put in a coin and then you get to try to put it over a toy and you try to get it to pick it up."

Sheldon scrunched up his face. "That seems like a waste of money and time. Why not just buy the toy?"

"Because it's not as much of a challenge," Penny said, pulling him toward the machine. He ignored the returned burning sensation. She slipped a token into the machine and grabbed the joystick.

"I always sucked at this," she said, wiggling the joystick hopelessly. She pushed the button and Sheldon stared blatantly as the claw descended and almost grabbed a purple giraffe.

"Damn it," she muttered, pulling out another token. Sheldon reached out to stop her hand. Penny was sure there were legitimate sparks flying between them.

"Penny," said Sheldon, trying to keep his voice level in spite of the growing swell in his heart. "It would seem illogical for you to invest more time and money into this machine when you could easily purchase such an item, regardless of the challenge."

"Just one more time, Moonpie."

Before Sheldon could say anything more, the token was through the slot and her hand was on the joystick. He was struggling to get his words out, something about the futility of the game. Then he started to think about it. The more he considered the situation, the more intrigued he found himself.

"There is a clear relation between the diameter of the claw and the angle at which the arm descends," Sheldon was rambling. "If I use a formula…"

"Look, Sheldon! I got the teddy bear!" Penny laughed, holding the blue stuffed animal up in triumph. Sheldon glowered at her.

"How did you accomplish that?"

Penny shrugged. "Got lucky, I guess."

Sheldon shook his head. "There is no such thing as luck."

Penny shrugged again and walked away from the claw machine, waving her prize at the guys. Sheldon was still standing in the arcade, staring at the game.

* * *

Penny got the phone call around midnight. While the phone buzzed on her nightstand, she pulled herself from the knots in her sheets. She hadn't been sleeping well lately, not since the break-up, and hadn't been bothering to make her bed. Which was probably why she kept finding herself in awkward piles on the floor after she tried to get up. On the fourth buzz, she found the phone and answered.

"Hello?" she said, her voice cracking from the early hour.

"Penny, this is Sheldon Cooper."

"What the hell do you want, Sheldon? It's almost one in the morning."

"Penny, I seem to have found myself in 'the slammer.'" She could only imagine him using his free hand to express his stupid air quote marks.

"What did you do this time?" She wasn't nearly as shocked as she had been the first time he'd found himself there.

"Apparently it is not acceptable to keep a child from accessing an arcade game."

Penny shot up, clutching the phone to her ear. "Sheldon, did you push a kid away from the claw machine?"

"I think 'push' is a little strong."

"SHELDON!"

"Penny?"

"You can't just push a kid away from an arcade!"

"It should have been past his bedtime anyway."

"That is _not_ the point, Sheldon."

"Penny, apparently I am supposed to end my phone call shortly."

"Sheldon, that's not how the phone call works."

"How would you know?"

"We'll discuss that later. But how did you call me? Shouldn't it be collect?"

"I thought you knew how the calls work."

"Sheldon…"

"I'm friends with the officer."

"What?"

"It's the same gentleman who called Leonard when I was on the verge of a breakthrough with electrons."

"The ball pit."

"Yes."

"Ah."

"It seems his minutes for this month are running out, so I must ask for a favor quickly. Will you come pick me up?"

"Why can't Leonard?"

"I tried calling him first, but apparently it's also unacceptable to, I believe his phrasing was 'cock block,' a friend."

"Oh. Yeah, I'm on my way."

"Penny?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

* * *

The car ride back to the apartment was quiet. Penny was still trying to keep her eyes open while Sheldon was trying to keep his mouth shut about the check engine light. As they pulled into the parking space, Sheldon turned to Penny.

"Thank you again for picking me up."

"You're welcome, sweetie. Just don't go getting caught by cops again anytime soon, okay?"

"I don't plan on it." He smiled at her.

Penny knew her heart shouldn't flutter like that, but she couldn't stop it. She'd been single for, what, four months? She shouldn't be thinking about ripping her ex's roommate's shirts from his chest, digging her nails into his skin, pulling at his bottom lip with her teeth, his hands starting to wander all over…

_Okay, this has got to stop_, she thought quickly. _This is _Sheldon_ I'm thinking of, not some random hot guy. But he _is_ hot. I mean, in his own, Sheldon-y way._

She glanced back at him. He was still staring at her, his blue eyes looking a little darker than usual. Was it just her or was that the look that Leonard used to get after they were drunk and he wanted to get some? No, she was imagining things. Sheldon was a _homo novus_, not _horno_. And then she looked again. Nope. Definitely darker.

"Sheldon," she whispered, leaning over the console. Sheldon didn't lean back like he usually would have. He also didn't lean in.

"Penny." His voice was hoarse, almost husky. _God, he sounds sexy,_ Penny thought, reaching out her hand toward his cheek. "My door is stuck."

"Oh."

She dropped her hand, jiggled the handle of her side, and pulled herself out. She waved her hand, saying, "Just crawl out this side."

"Penny, I don't crawl."

"Sheldon, do you want to spend the night in my car?"

_His legs are so long_, Penny thought as he launched himself over the console. _I wonder what it would be like… Nope. Don't wonder that._

When they reached the fourth floor several minutes later, Penny was sure his eyes were back to normal. She sighed softly as she reached her door.

"Well, goodnight, Sheldon."

She opened the door as he said her name again. Turning, she found herself face to chest with him.

"Thank you, Penny." And he hugged her. A real hug. After a few seconds, he let go and wandered back to his door, nodding at her as he opened and closed it.

That night, she had dreams of long forearms wrapped around her.

The next day as Penny started waiting on the latest group to come in (a mother and father with two obnoxious boys and one sweet looking little girl), Bernadette came up and tapped her on the shoulder.

"Sheldon's here to talk to you," she said, smiling at the table. "I'll cover for now and then you can take over when you're done with him."

"He knows I'm working," Penny said, looking at her friend. "He can wait."

"He says he can't."

"Of course not," Penny sighed, smiling at the couple. "Bernadette's going to take your orders for right now and I'll be right back." They nodded happily as the boys began throwing crayons at their sister.

Penny hurried to the front where Sheldon was waiting, bouncing anxiously on the balls of his feet. His jacket was pulled tight over a bulge near his chest. He was glancing back and forth in the entryway, glowering at the young boy sitting on the bench behind him. The boy stuck out his tongue just as Penny reached Sheldon.

"I'm working, Sheldon. I really don't have time for this."

He straightened up and unzipped his jacket. Penny looked curiously at him as he reached in toward the bulge and pulled out the purple giraffe.

"Sheldon!" she squeaked, grabbing the stuffed animal from his hands. "You did it! Congratulations!"

"I know it was the animal you were originally attempting to obtain," he said, shrugging. His cheeks, Penny noticed with a slight grin, were a little pinker than usual.

"This is why you were arrested?"

"Yes."

"Did you get it for _me_, Moonpie?"

"Only Meemaw can call me that."

"Did you?"

"Yes."

Penny wrapped her arms around his middle, feeling his heart flutter as she squeezed him, hanging onto the giraffe by its neck. He patted her back awkwardly and momentarily placed his cheek on her hair. _Vanilla_, he thought to himself. When Penny dropped her arms back to her sides, she smiled and leaned up to peck him on his blushing cheek.

"Thank you, Moonpie."

This time, he didn't object.

* * *

Sheldon stared at the shelf on the wall. "You still have the giraffe?"

Penny smiled and nodded. "Why wouldn't I?"

"I gave that to you years ago."

"So I shouldn't keep it?"

"It would appear your sentimentality has affected me."

"That means you're touched, doesn't it?"

No response. Penny glanced at his face and smiled at the blue eyes that looked a little teary.

"You're leaking there, Tin Man."

Sheldon's hand appeared from under the cover and brushed quickly over his eyes. "I wish you would cease comparing me to the Tin Man, Penny. I believe I have made it patently obvious that I am, in fact, human."

She shifted her position and clutched at the comforter covering his chest. "You sure have, Moonpie."


End file.
